Drinking Was Hard On My Marriage So Was Recovery
Sharing the highway with drivers from a bazillion different countries all over the world during rush hour will test even the most zen individuals. My husband had his own battles which are not mine to tell. I’d have to chug half a bottle of hard cider and chain smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I could feel like a person again.
- I’ve found statistics that indicate a 20% increase in divorce rate for couples dealing with alcoholism in the marriage.
- Yet, there are numerous marriage changes after sobriety — this is a new springboard in a relationship.
- Your friends and loved ones will see your choices and how your positive influence affects others.
- Worse still, there’s no guarantee of sobriety beyond today.
- We hope that being clean will return them to the person we once knew.
Put Your Feelings in Writing
When we feel insecure about ourselves, we easily become angry and frustrated with others. We might even lash out at our romantic partners or children. But when we accept our feelings, we can begin to understand why we act the way we do. Then I was lucky enough to sit down with a counselor who had also been on both sides of these kinds of relationships. She asked me to think about my relationship in the exact same way one would approach recovery.
I did the opposite. I stayed on the balcony.
For the person living with SUD who feels rejected, Green notes that this isolation can make it more challenging to receive the emotional support needed during recovery. If you’re in recovery for SUD, here’s how you can try to make amends with loved ones whose trust was bruised during addiction. Hopefully, the partner has also been in a 12-Step program, such as Nar-Anon or Al-Anon. New sobriety leaves a void, which formerly was filled with all the mental and physical activity of trying to control and manipulate the addiction and substance abuser. Being a codependent caretaker hid their inner emptiness.
Treat the Marriage as a New Relationship
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and impairs judgement, often leading to decisions one might not consider when sober. Infidelity, borne of such impaired judgement, only adds another layer of hurt and mistrust in a marriage already strained by alcohol misuse. Labeling marriage changes after sobriety someone as an ‘alcoholic’ often carries negative connotations and stigma, which can be a barrier to seeking help. This affliction doesn’t discriminate—it can strike any marriage, irrespective of socio-economic status, love, or the strength of the initial bond.
They served as boundaries to and reminders of who Ana was at her best — and just, you know, who Ana was. They didn’t do that by talking to me about my behavior or watching out for me; they were just there, loving me without letting me push them around. I can’t tell you what they got out of that time in our lives; what I got out of it was so precious I never want to have to do it again. But he listened and he tried to meet me where I was at. If I needed him to not drink in front of me, then he would.
Love Yourself First
We hope that being clean will return them to the person we once knew. If you become codependent on your spouse, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to set boundaries and take care of yourself. One of the biggest challenges of having a spouse who is not sober is that you may feel like you’re always walking https://ecosoberhouse.com/ on eggshells. It can be hard to relax and enjoy your life when you’re constantly worried about what your spouse is doing or whether they will make it home safe. Trust becomes a major issue, and it can be difficult to feel like you have a partner you can rely on. The recovering addict must also be patient as his or her spouse works to rebuild trust.
